There is something funny and tragic - and something really similar - about both weddings and funerals. Or maybe it is to do with the people who attend them. I should know. I have had a chance to partake in the festivities and share the despair at both recently. And both the occasions there were questions on my mind - about the end and the beginning. Wonder though, at times, which is which.
A lot has been said about dawn after darkness and there being light at the end of the tunnel - about ends and beginnings. When on the threshold of a new beginning a tragedy befalls one, would it be a bad end or just a bad beginning?
The right and wrong of things - I often wonder about the same. How does one really determine what is right and what is wrong? What is "right" for one may seem "wrong" for the other? So, does that make one "right" or "wrong"?
Profound (at least to me) thoughts seem to strike at the most unexpected moments. You are sitting with a group of colleagues discussing inanities - from WebSphere class loading problems to SMSing Shakespeare. It is amazing how even when surrounded by a group of people you can feel the most lonesome.
And it is again during such vacuous conversations as mentioned above that it strikes one how even though we are social animals we operate in such isolation. One looks at the person across the table seemingly listening to what he/she has to say and wondering what exactly is going through his/her mind. What does he/she really think of one? But then, one wonders, does it really matter? Finally, in the larger scheme of things what exactly does an interaction of this kind amount to? Sometimes a lot, sometimes absolutely nothing at all!
Yet, one isn't really an island. Even if one believes so. It is amazing how one hears something from others over the years and one tends to believe it is true - even when at different occasions in life every part of the body screams out saying it is not true. And then it just becomes difficult being true to oneself. Me thinks: What is the "true self"? Is there a self that is truly "true" or is it just a figment of our imagination? Do we just don different roles at different points of time in life? And do the roles/characters we play more often just become so innate to us that we believe that is what we are?
Why is it so difficult for one to let one's hair down, scream out and shed that tear? For one to realize that one isn't really a rock, even if one is told so again and again? Sometimes it just gets too difficult being strong all the time. Yet, that is what is expected of one always.
It is just the beginning of the year. And I already feel very tired.
A lot has been said about dawn after darkness and there being light at the end of the tunnel - about ends and beginnings. When on the threshold of a new beginning a tragedy befalls one, would it be a bad end or just a bad beginning?
The right and wrong of things - I often wonder about the same. How does one really determine what is right and what is wrong? What is "right" for one may seem "wrong" for the other? So, does that make one "right" or "wrong"?
Profound (at least to me) thoughts seem to strike at the most unexpected moments. You are sitting with a group of colleagues discussing inanities - from WebSphere class loading problems to SMSing Shakespeare. It is amazing how even when surrounded by a group of people you can feel the most lonesome.
And it is again during such vacuous conversations as mentioned above that it strikes one how even though we are social animals we operate in such isolation. One looks at the person across the table seemingly listening to what he/she has to say and wondering what exactly is going through his/her mind. What does he/she really think of one? But then, one wonders, does it really matter? Finally, in the larger scheme of things what exactly does an interaction of this kind amount to? Sometimes a lot, sometimes absolutely nothing at all!
Yet, one isn't really an island. Even if one believes so. It is amazing how one hears something from others over the years and one tends to believe it is true - even when at different occasions in life every part of the body screams out saying it is not true. And then it just becomes difficult being true to oneself. Me thinks: What is the "true self"? Is there a self that is truly "true" or is it just a figment of our imagination? Do we just don different roles at different points of time in life? And do the roles/characters we play more often just become so innate to us that we believe that is what we are?
Why is it so difficult for one to let one's hair down, scream out and shed that tear? For one to realize that one isn't really a rock, even if one is told so again and again? Sometimes it just gets too difficult being strong all the time. Yet, that is what is expected of one always.
It is just the beginning of the year. And I already feel very tired.
2 comments:
oh, what happened?? "and I already feel very tired"...? the new year for me is the time to hope - sometimes foolishly that suddenly things will be better...
and yes "It is amazing how even when surrounded by a group of people you can feel the most lonesome" - being alone and being lonely are so two different things, aren't they?
[charu] Oh! Just too much happening. I know a new year is the time to look forward; yet somehow this time it was not really so for me. Thanks for asking though.
You are right - being alone and being lonely are two very different things. I am so used to being alone (and love it too) that feeling lonely was a new experience altogether.
Post a Comment