Ramblings...

Long time no post. Actually I have been extremely busy – yes, work again. And this time it seems to have really pushed me over the top. Today, I smile as I type these words since they remind me of some other time and some one else; but the last few days in reality have been anything but smiles. A few decisions were made and while the implementation of the same is going to take a while, for now at least one feels more at ease. More on that later.

Despite the really hectic schedule, two movies were watched – one Telugu flick, Shock and the other touted as a typical Hyderabadi comedy, The Angrez. About the latter, the less said the better. With Shock too I had serious reservations – in the final scene of the movie you have the hero standing on a rock with the police officer. You hear a few gun shots, and you see the police officer driving away. No, it is not an open-ended climax to the film; nothing is left to imagination. In the very next shot you see the hero standing in the middle of the road; obviously he has been freed. And then in a momentary flashback recreation of what happened the police man tells Ravi Teja – “You are my hero” and lets him go scot-free, just like that. And yes, I have a problem with this message – when did taking law into one’s own hands, killing people in a ghastly manner become acts of heroism? Yes, I understand that life has treated one unjustly, that one’s whole world has come crumbling down for no apparent reason whatsoever, that one has lost all that one loved and cherished for no fault of one’s own – I can empathise with all that. Yet, is escape from prison and gory violence the answer to such a situation? What kind of a society are we envisaging here – violence, violence and more violence. If you have been hurt, pick up the gun and go on a shooting spree – not only will you be avenged, you will also turn out to be a hero. This cannot be the answer or the way, isn’t it?

Oh well!

Now, here are some ramblings from the past few days...

A lot of introspection has been happening in the last few days. One has been contemplating about oneself and one's life, and relationships. In the beginning of the year, hubby and I wanted to make some "quantitative" and qualitative changes to our lives - just ended in disappointment, thanks to a system in place that ensures that even good deeds can become excruciatingly difficult. Hubby has turned his face away from any further thoughts on the same - and I know it is going to be extremely difficult for me to convince him to tread the same path again; especially so when I am not so certain that this is the way for us.

A few happenings at work and a few people - all of which have certainly made a big difference to my days. Doubts persist, questions are still raised. Sometimes you see a few things, hear a few words, yet can't help but wonder if all of it is a figment of your imagination or the truth. Do you hear what you hear because this is what you want to hear or has it really been said?

They tell me that when you wish for something really hard it happens, it works for you. I know it doesn't. In all these years, it never has.

I have been catching up on my reading on the Net in the last couple of days - something I have not really done in a long long while. And the latest fad on the Blog World in the last couple of days seems to be this tag about books - books owned, bought, read, not-read, likely to read, want to possess, etc etc etc. In the last couple of years since I have been reading blogs I know my horizon has widened in a manner I never thought possible. These blogs also seem to hold a mirror to me in more ways than one; and when I read what the "learned" ones had to say (with reference to this tag especially), I am so very much humbled; makes me realize how totally, completely and absolutely ignorant I am; how very lacking. No, this is no comparison bid; just self-realization.

Sometimes you spend years, days, months with someone and yet cannot share your intimate secrets with that person. At other times, you slip into a comfort zone with someone almost immediately after you meet him/her. I had written about this before as well. And I realized it again last week, when with no hesitation whatsoever I could talk of incidents (and implicit fears and apprehensions) from my childhood to someone. It was amazing how I didn't for once feel I was on guard, that I had to check what I was about to say; yet, at one level, it was scary. Close relationships unnerve me.