Right now, I am just outraged...

I don't remember much of my school years; I can't recall the fun events, the hanging out with friends, the pulling of one another's legs or the trouble one had with teachers. Maybe it has been too long, I don't know. What I know is this - to me school was always one of the "safe" places I could run to, sometimes even from my family who used to exasperate me quite a lot. When I was growing up "home" was not necessarily a place I felt I belonged in, especially not during the years of abuse I suffered. And hence my school became my place of repose - physically as well as mentally. And often when I was really down in the dumps, my teachers became my confidantes. During times of turbulence, they were my source of strength; and in times of abundance, they brought me immense joy.

I have been a teacher myself for almost a year. And even though it was in a junior college where the students were just a couple of years younger than I was (I had just finished my post graduation), to me those kids sitting in front of me were only that - children. To me this is one of the most gratifying professions I have ever been; when the "child" in front of you looks up to you with wonder, amazement and adoration; trust me there is instant gratification. At a professional level I was their "lecturer", one who taught them literature, one who helped them with their problems of learning, one who helped them get through those exams. On a personal level, I was their "sister" and a "friend". Years later when I was invited to the weddings of some of these students, I still couldn't imagine them being old enough to be married; to me they always seemed like children.

Yes, I have seen both sides of the coin. Which is why I am particularly shocked by this story. Shocked is probably not just it; I am completely disturbed by it. Every day in every newspaper there is at least one story of child abuse and molestation, from 3 year olds to 15 year olds. And yes, I have also seen stories of principals trying to abuse children. And I am devastated by grief by each one of those stories. I belong to the old school of thought I guess - I still look at the teacher-student relationship as a relationship of trust, respect and honour. And this story, to me, is reflective of all that is going wrong within our society, to the abysmal levels that ethics have fallen in today's world.

I fully understand that there may not necessarily be boundaries in mentoring relationships. In fact, I am not against a consensual relationship between a mentor and his/her student. But this is not about such relationships. A 13-year-old girl and a grown up man - that cannot be just right, can it? In a school I would look at a teacher-student relationship as some kind of a "fiduciary" relationship, with the teacher accepting the trust and confidence of the student to act in the latter's best interests. That is how I viewed all my relationships with either my teachers or my students. Isn't it true that in such a case the teacher should always act with utmost good faith?

I understand that in this story the parents of the girl have decided against pursuing the case legally to avoid further torture and humiliation in our courts. While I fully empathise with that, I think what is required is that the victims of sexual abuse come forward with their stories, at least to ensure that men such as this teacher pay for their wrong deeds. It is not easy getting over any kind of abuse, particularly so sexual abuse where you feel completely violated; in fact, I am not sure you actually ever "get over it". But to know that the person who did this to you has been punished in some manner (trust me, it is never enough), there is some consolation in that.

Update: And then this shocking story. Rs 1.5 lakh in compensation for the loss of innocence - truly, a school of horror! I saw the news coverage last night and was shocked to see what the villagers had to say - yes, they did say the rapist should be hanged or that they would kill them. And this - that the entire incident has brought disrepute to the village and the school and the villagers; that they are all ashamed of that; how is the village going to get out of this mess, etc etc. What about those 17 girls; about what they are going through? What about their trauma, their pain, their humiliation? Are there any thoughts about how they will cope and how they will get through this? Why does the thought of those girls and their anguish ever bother someone? And all that the moms of some of the victims say was that the girls have to keep quiet and learn to live with it. Learn to live with it? Does anyone even understand the victims' trauma?

I really can't say more.