...that men just don't get it. And that some of them - despite their education and position in life - don't ever learn to treat women as human beings. You go to work expecting to be treated as just another professional. And some days it takes just one man to remind you that all your qualifications and skillsets really don't matter; that irrespective of how good a worker you are, you are finally just a woman, a sum total of various body parts. And when they look at you, all they see is those body parts that they are obsessed with and not the person as a whole.
And we have a few such men at our work place. I have been observing this for a while, and yet for a long time I wasn't sure if it was just me who felt like this. So, I talked to a few other women at work and we realized we all felt the same about the same men. Obviously, so many of us couldn't be wrong! I am not someone who is really conscious of her physical self. In fact, to a large extent, especially in the professional environment, it doesn't even strike me that I am a woman. And if someone is making me aware of it, making me feel physically conscious of myself, obviously there is more to it than meets the eye. It exasperates me that in my day to day dealings with these people I have to be sentient of much more than just work. In the recent times, I have had to deal with one such man quite frequently. And I realized it is not just the moment when I am with him; much later I carry with me the feeling of frustration and helplessness and that irritates me to no end - the fact that I am unable to do anything about it.
But what can one really do? In my previous organization, I had my manager dismissed because of similar such behaviour. But then, I had some concrete proof to substantiate my accusations. Here, it is my word against his. What do I say? That I don't like the way he looks at me? Last week, three of us women at work cornered one other colleague (this person would make a deliberate attempt to touch you or brush you as he passed you by) and confronted him directly. He really didn't have anything to say. Through out the time we talked to him, he just hung his head down. In shame? I am not so sure about it. But with these other people I am talking about, it is not going to be as easy as that.
I am an educated, career woman who has never been asked to "behave like a woman" all through her life. My parents never made us feel less because we were girls. And yet, despite my awareness and consciousness I feel absolutely helpless in a situation like this. I know silence perpetuates a crime (and I see this as one). If I knew even for a second that raising my voice would make a difference I would do so now. But I am not so sure about that. No, talking to other women in the organization and getting them together is not likely to work, for a lot of reasons. So, I wait and watch - for I know this of myself. There will come a day when I will not take it any more; and then god save them.
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12 comments:
I think it's the feeling of power that makes so many men do such despicable deeds. And most women silently accept such treatment without expressing their disgust.
I was walking along Colaba Causeway (Mumbai) with a friend and his mother when suddenly his mother started screaming and whacking a young guy who had brushed against her repeatedly.
I was about 12, but I vividly remember the anger in her voice as she explained to us what had transpired. Women shouldn’t have to put-up with such loutish behavior.
I am so sorry to read this, and I guess strong non-verbal disapproval is not having any impact at all. I have a sneaking suspicion that this idiot is an authority position?
[continental drifts] Sometimes I wonder if it about the feeling of power at all any more. These days my feeling is that men just suck. You are right - women shouldn't have to put up with such behaviour. But sometimes, when it is our word against theirs it does become difficult to confront someone with it.
[mridula] You are right - the person I am having the most problems with is indeed someone in an authority position. But there are others as well. And the reason why there is a feeling of helplessness is that it is all about the way these men look at us women - stripping you naked in their mind, I guess. And what angers me is that it is all subtly done.
Honey, its all in your head. Get over it woman, You got better things to do !
Grow up ! Stop developing foolish fancies about yourself.
And if you are just looking to create cheap sensationalization, you need to do better than feign sexual harassment. If this really bothers you so much, go quit your job or file a police report. No decent woman goes about making idiotic claims like this just to get attention.
I have been getting the inappropriate looks too, but it is so subtle that there is nothing to be done.... the way it is affecting my performance, I have no option but to look for another job.
And Anon, brovo!!
This is plain sexual harrasment
Its unfortunate but this kind of behaviour
is tolerated by many women
And I do not see any of this changing
also anytime soon because in
the present system that
we live in everyone preaches about equality
but end of the day women are but
commodities whose body parts
are selectively
used to see stuff
My advice might sound funny but
I think it will be effective
Do a self-defence course and next time you find fingers coming for you you grab them
and by some sort of Karate Kick floor the man and break a few fingers.
(This is very easy all you need to do is apply pressure at selective joints in
a direction that will cause it to snap )
Then you fiegn ignorence and apologize
and say you overreacted
and go your way like as if nothing happened
The guy will be so embaressed and in so much pain he will shut up and even if tells anyone no one is going to believe him
Do this not just for yourself but for all
the women who might have to face this from the same man lest he is not taught a lesson
And I think the anonymous poster
must be your boss
Pretty much pathetic comments by Anonymous......though I wish to stay so to.....
on his first day at our agency, a sr art director was taken around for the usual intros. we shook hands and i said 'welcome to the agency' but he heard it as '5 mins from now please feel free to brush your hand against my ass and compliment me on my belt.' in the course of the next 2 weeks this man went around trying to touch, hug rub up against every female creative in the agency. we complained to the acd who took him aside and told him to lay off. however the cd on hearing of this decided to take it upon himself to pass snide comments to all the girls about how we only liked 'handsome' art directors - meaning if the pervert had been good looking none of us would have complained. UGH. IT infuriates me how these things are taken so lightly and brushed aside by higher ups. i hope u have better luck in tackling these idiots.
[s]Even if you are forced to look for another job for whatever reasons I do believe that before you quit you should give a piece of your mind to this person. Just don't get out silently.
[indiacorporatewatch] Self defence I know works wonders. Most men just don't want to be embarrassed in public. In my case however it isn't that someone is trying to touch/feel you, it is all in the looks - sometimes across the table - and that makes it even worse.
[ramblingsofashoefiend] well, what do I say. This attitude that women tolerate sexual overtures if they come from someone good looking is similar to what anonymous had to say above - that women feign sexual harrassment in order to get attention - an attitude that smacks of complete lack of understanding and empathy. Frankly speaking, my attitude towards most such men is go take a walk.
Even in a country with laws against sexual harrassment this kind of thing happens all the time. I think that in response to the laws, many men have learned to be more subtle in their harrassment, instead of learning that it's wrong. The majority of men that I've worked with have been excellent colleagues, so it's an unpleasant shock to run into the pigs who aren't. Maybe, like the dinosaurs, these men will eventually die out.
How easy the internet makes it for people to hide behind anonymity to make comments they know they could never make in their own name.
I offer to beat up the anonymous dude/dudette with a hockey stick a la chak de India. I know I was invited to read your travel posts, but I found this more interesting, cause it is something women and girls go through everyday. Unwanted stares and comments, harrasment...
Anon needs some reality checks. What if he/she is actually spam.:p
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